ARTIE LANGE @ Barnes & Noble Union Square.

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Originally posted on 6-15-2009...

First off, I love Artie Lange. That’s the starting perspective from which I relate the following:

Woke up this morning to learn that the Howard Stern radio sidekick has stirred up yet another shitstorm – this time by steamrolling the premiere of Joe Buck’s live sports talk show on HBO last night. Fellow guests Paul Rudd and Jason Sudeikis, two real funny guys who I like a whole lot, had to dodge shrapnel as innocent bystanders to the calamitous pile-up.

I’m not sure if Artie’s “Joe Buck Live” appearance has hit YouTube or Hulu yet, but Artie fans will want to check that one out post-haste.

If you don’t like Artie, I don’t know what to tell you. Skip this article.

If this is your first introduction to Artie though, I’d instead recommend his autobiography, TOO FAT TO FISH, just released on paperback, as a better place to start.

Like his hero and boss Howard Stern, Artie turns the energy and the outrageousness up to the edge of the dial for talk show appearances – that’s definitely part of Artie’s comedy method, but it’s not the whole story. He’s, technically speaking, a virtuoso in the realm of radio and stand-up comedy. Artie’s strengths as a storyteller are second to no one anywhere in show business. His impressions and character voices are spot-on. His attention to detail and recall are impressive; and considering the amount of substance abuse he’s been through, that ability is probably superhuman. Most of all, Artie’s quickness is astounding; in the five-hour length of the daily Stern show, it’s uncanny how fast Artie can come up with clever observations, comebacks, and one-liners.

He’s also just plain relatable, to a wide audience and to me personally: I’m always going to have a lot in common with a guy who loves his mom and his sister and Bruce Springsteen and pretty girls and the New York Yankees, who struggles with self-esteem and black days and measuring up to heroes. You drop that regular Joe into the Howard Stern circus, and it’s just fun times. I love when Howard and Artie play good-cop/bad-cop with regular caller “Eric The Actor.” I love when Artie bullies and belittles National Enquirer editor Mike Walker. I love when Artie and Gilbert Gottfried (professional annoyance) become so annoying that even Howard is offended.

As you might notice, I’m a true Howard Stern Show fan. No, I don’t like or agree with everything Howard does or says. But I tend to look at the full range of an entertainer’s talents and abilities when appreciating and endorsing them, and the virtue I tend to appreciate and endorse most often is: honesty. I respect people who shoot straight. In a world where it’s easier to be successful the less genuine you act, it’s an accomplishment to be genuine. Sure I believe in manners, and I try not to be rude to people, but sometimes some people don’t deserve politeness. Sometimes, brutal honesty is called for, and Howard Stern brings that. By the way: brutal honesty is almost always funnier. In that respect, Artie Lange has been a perfect match for the Howard Stern Show for eight years now, and he’s practically surpassed his mentor when it comes to brutal, hilarious honesty. He puts his life out in the public eye, and is sensitive and conflicted as much as he can be abrasive or combative.

That’s why I love Artie: Now that he was abrasive and combative last night, he’s going to be sensitive and conflicted about it. In relation to the Joe Buck thing, he probably was being a bit of an asshole. Trust me, he knows it.

In times like these, though, sometimes we NEED our comedy heroes to be assholes. For example, I wish Dave Letterman would have been more of an asshole last night, by refusing to publicly apologize to that opportunistic, child-exploiting Sarah Palin. There’s a trend in the pop-culture universe to be too quick to apologize. Apologies don’t work in comedy. Apologies aren’t funny. Comedy has to be mean sometimes, and comedy is at its best when it aims that meanness towards the deserving.

Now, Joe Buck probably wasn’t deserving. Paul Rudd and Jason Sudeikis definitely weren’t. Frankly though, they all got off easy. There’s no target Artie Lange has attacked publicly with more fury than his own self. Read his book. He catalogues the failures and disasters he’s caused or experienced, takes responsibility for them, finds the truth in them, then somehow spins it into comedy.

There’s a nobility in that. More people should be so self-aware. Then again, if that were the case, pop culture wouldn’t have Artie Lange. And right now, we need Artie Lange.

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Get your copy of TOO FAT TO FISH signed tomorrow night at 7pm at the Barnes & Noble in Union Square. Artie will be reading selections from the book before signing. If he doesn't get to it, I highly recommend the chapter called "Mr. October." Heartbreaking.

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